I can feel it happening. That lurking unwanted cloud of depression is near and seemingly ready to pounce. Some folks would say this is the end of our “honeymoon” period after moving. The adrenaline is gone and we are left to survey what we’ve gotten ourselves into. The funny thing is I don’t want to go home. I just want to feel at home where I am. Our surroundings are becoming quickly familiar and we are learning the ropes here and it has been a very positive experience. But for the two outgoing introverts that we are our introvert side is starting to yearn for the comfort of personal familiarity.
I wept through church.
I’m so very tired.
But we press on.
Keep in mind this unexpected ton of bricks dropped on me yesterday morning and, after barely making it through church, my response later that afternoon was to create something. An underlying guilt I have carried for the last couple of weeks is my inability to get something together for my mom’s birthday. It was August 31st. I thought about sending her something that was very “Chicago”. Like the famous Chicago popcorn or chocolates from the local chocolate shop that is gaining fame. When I thought about her though the lyrics to David Crowder’s How He Loves Me song kept finding it’s way into my head. I don’t know if you’ve listened to those lyrics closely recently. If you haven’t look them up and read them. They are mind blowing. If they are true, and I believe them to be, we are loved by a truly merciful and gracious God. The lines that get stuck for me are these…
“He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the wind and weight of His mercy…”
Think on that visual for a moment. The God of the universe being jealous for you…
(That leaves me a bit breathless)
Being a tree in a hurricane…
We’ve all seen footage of hurricanes. I’ve been down to New Orleans and witnessed the aftermath of Katrina a couple years after she blew through. What an all consuming love that is. My mind and heart doesn’t know quite what to do with that. I’m privileged to journey with Him and figure it out.
So, what did I create…
(spoiler alert, mom. This will be in the mail to you tomorrow)
I’ve been writing these words in my sketch book for weeks now trying to find the best treatment for them. Yesterday it came to me and this is the result. I will likely make another to put in my office. I need this reminder. In the midst of everything life throws at us I need to remember this crazy all consuming love that the God of the universe has for me. I need to rest and breath in His presence and peace. I need to believe His plan for me. I need to remember that he sees me. I am not invisible to Him nor are my problems, fears, emotions or personality. And with that I will charge into my week swallowing my doubts and fears and holding on to this simple truth.
“Oh, how He loves me, oh, how He loves me, how he loves me…”